Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
