Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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