Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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