I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
