Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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