I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
