I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize