im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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