My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
