in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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