At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
