For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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