He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
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There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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