I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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