i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
