pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
