Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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