when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
