It's Friday. Sex?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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