Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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