Where is the hickey?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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