I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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