operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
