Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
