Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
