Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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