Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
