dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
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I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
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i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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