I'm eating all of the evidence.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
