Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
