Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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