More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
