Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
