So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
