So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
