they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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