Who wears a wallet chain?!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
