dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
