I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
