I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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