No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize