just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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