I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
