I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
