kristin has been a bad kristin
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
did i walk over a car last night?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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