just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
