...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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