You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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