his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
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so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
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Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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