Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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