I think im going to throw up on grandma
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
