Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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