He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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