So drunk its hurt
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
