You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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