rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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