Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
