i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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