I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
