I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
