Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
