perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
