she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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