My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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