I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
