Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
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I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
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Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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