Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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