my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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