i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
