Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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