One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
